I want this to be about children pulling away and also NOT pulling away and the feelings it brings out in a mother. I don't think I'm getting that across though. Feedback greatly appreciated.

*******

On the second leg of our flight to San Francisco, my 18 month old immediately fell asleep sprawled across my lap. Soon after, I dozed off watching the man across the aisle watching himself swing at a golf ball on his laptop. When I woke up, we still hadn’t taken off. “What’s going on?� I asked Warren.

“They’re fixing something in the bathroom,� he said.

I wasn’t surprised. When I had escorted my 3 ½ year-old to the potty prior to fastening our seatbelts, another passenger was trying in vain to get some water out of the tap.

I didn’t want to wake Jiro, so I just listened as Satchel and the little girl in the seat behind him talked to each other through the small space between the seat and the wall. Natasha, who was six, explained the dynamics of the impending take-off to Satchel. "The plane is going to go really fast so it can build up speed...like when you want to jump and you run really fast so you can get high off of the ground."

Satchel nodded and said, "One time I jumped over an airplane and I fell down and hurt my knee."

“Really?� Natasha said, clearly impressed.

“Where are you going?� Satchel asked.

“California,� she said.

“Me too!� he said excitedly. “I’m going to see my cousins.� Satchel hadn’t seen his cousins on Warren’s side of the family since he was old enough to remember them. Warren had been showing him pictures and building up their reunion to great heights. Seeing his Oba and Oji (Grandmother and Grandfather) and all of the other people we planned to visit was paling in comparison.

“Mommy, mommy!� Satchel turned to me. “Natasha is going to California too!� He said it like he couldn’t believe his good luck.

They carried on non-stop for the remainder of the sink repair and then the hour and a half flight. Warren and I spent most of the flight smiling at each other and suppressing our laughter. I looked back at Natasha's family and they seemed to be enjoying the conversation as much as we were. Natasha's mom had a sleeping baby in her lap like I did and smiled at me through the crack between our seats. "You have such a sweet boy," she said.

To keep the conversation going, Satchel did his usual run down of his most valued worldly possessions, which were usually the things he had on him at the time of the conversation. "I have glow in the dark socks, I have a monster truck shirt, I have a little brother, I have a snowsuit..."

He paused after listing the snowsuit and asked Natasha, "Do you have a snowsuit?"

She replied, "I have snow pants."

Satchel then took off his Buzz Lightyear jacket and passed it back to her. "Here, you can wear this with your snow pants so you don't get cold."

It wasn't long before Satchel was almost completely naked. He kept stripping off layers to show Natasha different things. Finally he said, "I need my Power Ranger suit!" (Donning his Superhero garb is a sure sign that he is smitten with someone.)

By the time we were making our final descent into San Francisco, Jiro and Natasha's little sister were in on the love and everyone was crawling all over the seats, passing toys and snacks, chirping and chatting away. As we deplaned Natasha’s parents wished us a happy holiday and fellow passengers were marvelling at the fact that Satchel and Natasha had just met.

****

Warren’s parents, his middle brother, his sister and her family, and our family all gathered at Warren’s oldest brother’s house for Thanksgiving. Neal’s house was a kid paradise. It featured rooms full of toys, a lush backyard with swings and a trampoline, and a big, fuzzy cat that didn’t run away from grabby toddler hands.

Satchel loved playing with all of his cousins and Jiro loved having me all to himself. His first trip away from Memphis had made him even more attached to me—a feat I didn’t think possible. One afternoon, as I sat playing with Jiro, Satchel ran over and said, “Natalie and Sidney aren’t playing with me.�

He looked so sad that it made me sad. The day before, before we got to Sidney’s house, Satchel and Natalie had spent hours chasing each other around their grandparents’ house like the best of friends. And Satchel and Sidney spent all morning swinging and jumping on the trampoline together before Natalie came over. But now that they were all together, Natalie and Sidney were only interested in each other.

“Do you want to play with me and Jiro?� I asked him as Natalie and Sidney tore through the living room in their matching princess dresses.

“No,� he said plainly. “I want to play with the big kids.�

“Hey, Natalie,� I said. “Can you and Sidney play with Satchel? He came all the way to California to meet you and he wants to play too.�

“Okay,� Natalie reluctantly agreed. Then she looked at Sidney and said, “Let’s dress Satchel up like a princess!�

He looked at me, his big brown eyes hiding behind a layer of tears. He had on his beloved Power Ranger costume, which had put on hours earlier hoping to impress them. “I don’t want to be a princess,� he said.

“Maybe you could go put on your superhero cape,� I suggested.

“Ooh, that’s a good idea,� he said as he ran up the stairs to join the girls.

They stayed upstairs playing for ten minutes or so. Then Natalie and Sidney ran down the stairs. “Where’s Satchel?� I asked.

“We’re playing hide and go seek,� Natalie responded as she led Sidney into the backyard.

I looked up the stairs and saw Satchel counting. When he was done, he started looking for the girls upstairs. It appeared that it was going to take him quite some time before he thought to look outside.

“Nataleeee, Sidneee,� he sang as he looked behind the closet doors and in the hall cabinets.

Those little bitches, I thought. How dare they trick him like that! I wasn’t ready for my sweet, wonderful, fabulous little boy—who was used to being the center of attention—to be ignored and teased.

“Look outside,� I said to him. “Maybe they are hiding out there.�

He ran over to the screen door and saw them bouncing on the trampoline. Please let him not realize what is going on, please, please, I thought.

“Hey!� he said as he ran out the door and climbed up, with great effort, to join them.

Okay, okay, I thought. Breathe. He’s going to get through this.

I sat watching in horror as Natalie and Sidney quickly got up and ran back inside. They just left him on the trampoline by himself! I swallowed hard and felt tears of my own welling up.

Satchel got off of the trampoline and ran back inside yelling, “Wait for me, wait for me,� as he chased them up the stairs.

I knew I should probably stay out of it, but I followed behind them and sat outside Sidney’s cracked door eavesdropping.

“Nataleeee, will you tie my cape?� I heard Satchel ask in his sweet, sing-songy voice.

“No,� she said as she turned her back.

“Please? You did it last night,� he said, much less sing-songy.

That was it. I burst into tears.

I was sitting at the top of the stairs, with Jiro wrapped around my leg, sobbing when Warren noticed me. “What’s wrong?� he asked, looking genuinely alarmed.

“The girls are ignoring Satchel and he is trying so hard to play with them…sniff…it’s just breaking my heart,� I said as I started crying harder.

****

A week of non-stop family time was taking its toll on me. I had been sharing various twin beds with Jiro, peeing with him in my lap, and listening to him scream outside the bathroom door while I showered. I needed a break.

I did a few laps around Neal’s neighborhood while talking on my cell phone then realized I had nowhere else to go except to the nearby mall. I told myself that was probably the last place I wanted to be on the biggest shopping day of the year, but I went anyway.

I spent an hour wandering the aisles of Ross Dress for Less. I literally stood in the purse section staring at two purses, one red and one blue, for at least fifteen minutes. I picked them up, then put them down. I kept trying to walk away, but I couldn’t. I had the same black purse for almost five years and was happy with it. Why did I feel so compelled to purchase not one, but two completely impractical and unnecessary purses? I picked them up and headed over to the cash registers like a zombie and stood in line. I stood staring at the family in front of me—a surfer type man with his two young daughters—making their purchases. Christmas presents for Mom, I thought as they piled their goodies on the counter. When it was finally my turn to check out, I mumbled to the cashier, "I think I just changed my mind."

I wandered around in the bookstore next door for awhile and then went and stood outside Ross Dress for Less again. I could see the two purses through the window. I was debating going back in when my phone rang. "Jiro's awake," Warren said. "He keeps pointing at the stairs and saying, 'Mama.'"

“I’ll be right there,� I said. “Give me about ten minutes.� I was happy to be brought back to reality.

As I rounded the bend to Neal's house, I saw Warren in the yard next to his parents’ motor home (our main means of transportation while in town). Jiro was standing on the steps. "Look, there's Mommy," Warren said.

Jiro took off down the walkway and then sprinted down the sidewalk in my direction. "Mama!!" he happily screamed as he ran into my outstretched arms. He gave me the biggest, best hug ever.

Inside everyone was preparing to eat. Jiro went over and took his seat at the kids' table where Satchel, Natalie, and Sidney were happily eating and I took mine at the adult table. I watched him eat his dinner. After every few bites, he carefully put his fork down, skooched out of his chair, ran over to me, put his head in my lap, patted me, and then ran back to his chair.

After dinner, everyone piled on the sofas to watch “War of the Worlds.� Jiro was nuzzled in the crook of my right arm and Satchel was lying on my lap. The girls soon lost interest in the movie and tried to get Satchel to go play. “Wanna play hide and go seek?� Natalie asked hopefully.

“Not right now,� he said. “I’m watching TV with my mommy.�