Okay I tried ignoring this piece, but it wouldn't shut up. Let me know what you think...

Family Vacation

When I booked our ticket to California, I pictured Satchel (3 ½) and Jiro (1 ½) running along the beach, building sand castles, and collecting smooth rocks. Not an impossible dream for November, my husband tells me. In my fantasy vacation, my in-laws are right there with us, tossing the boys in the air and playing games with them. I think of visiting my brother-in-law’s family and my sister-in-law’s family and all the fun my boys will have with their cousins. I wonder if two weeks will be enough time to do everything we want.

Even though it is our first official family vacation ever, I still fantasize about having some time to myself and with Warren. I have a stack of books to read and a million movies I want to see. I figure the boys are at a good age and that my in-laws will swoop right in and usurp my role as End All Be All.

We got off to a really good start. . The cross country flight that I was dreading, ended up being really fun. Satchel had made friends with a little girl on the plane, and had kept my husband and I (and everyone else on the plane for that matter) thoroughly entertained.

I just listened as Satchel and the little girl in the seat behind him talked to each other through the small space between the seat and the wall. Narinder, who was six, explained the dynamics of the impending take-off to Satchel. "The plane is going to go really fast so it can build up speed...like when you want to jump and you run really fast so you can get high off of the ground."

Satchel nodded and said, "One time I jumped over an airplane and I fell down and hurt my knee."

“Really?� Narinder said, clearly impressed.

“Where are you going?� Satchel asked.

“California,� she said.

“Me too!� he said excitedly and turned to me. “Mommy! Mommy! Narinder is going to California too!� He said it like he couldn’t believe his good luck.

They carried on non-stop for the entire flight. Warren and I did a lot of smiling at each other. While Jiro slept in my lap, I thought about our first flight to California two years ago when Satchel had slept in my lap. Now here he was carrying on a conversation, making friends, and generally making me feel like the best mother in the whole world. Or at least the luckiest.

I looked back at Narinder's family and they seemed to be enjoying the conversation as much as we were. Narinder's mom had a sleeping baby in her lap like I did and smiled at me through the crack between our seats. "You have such a sweet boy," she said.

I watched as Satchel passed Narinder some seaweed we had brought to snack on. She held it in her hand and looked at her mom like, “Is it okay to eat?� Her mother smiled and Narinder bravely ate the black paper. Next Satchel gave her half an orange. Then his Power Ranger action figure. And so on.

Then Satchel started telling Narinder about his snowsuit. (He had just discovered it—a hand me down from Warren’s sister—in the closet before we left Memphis.) "Do you have a snowsuit?" he asked.

She replied, "I have snow pants."

Satchel then took off his Buzz Lightyear jacket and passed it back to her. "Here, you can wear this with your snow pants so you don't get cold."

When Jiro woke up, he and Narinder's little sister were in on the love and everyone was crawling all over the seats, passing toys and snacks, chirping and chatting away. By the time we were making our final descent into San Francisco, I fuller than I had in months. Working all of those extra hours so we could come on this trip, was definitely worth it.

On our very first day, Warren, the kids, Oba, Oji, and I piled in the Lincoln Towncar (stocked to the gills with snacks, drinks, pillows, blankets, towels, and maps) and drove to the beach nestled in Natural Bridges State Park in Santa Cruz.

I was thrilled that the weather was nice enough to go. "The water is going to be cold," Warren warned, but I packed the kids' swim shorts just in case.

At first Satchel was huddled on the beach towel hugging himself while whining, "It's coooooooold."

Jiro took my hand and immediately ran for the waves.

There were a bazillion people along the beach--playing volleyball, building sand castles, picnicking--and most of them were in swimsuits. Well, the kids were in swimsuits. Most of the adults looked on in t-shirts and rolled up pants.

Over the next couple of hours the boys stripped down and ran along the beach in their swimsuits like it was the fourth of July. They played with the seaweed, chased the waves, climbed the rocks, picked up sticks and unusual debris, and generally had a blast.

We took a break to eat some sandwiches and fruit and Satchel announced, "I'm going to find a little girl who will share her buckets with me so I can build a sand castle."

"Okay," I said as I watched Satchel scan the beach.

"Come with me, Mommy," he said.

"Okay," I said reluctantly.

We held hands and walked along the beach looking for a little girl willing to share. We passed girl after girl and finally Satchel said, "You ask, Mommy."

I was frozen. "You ask," I said. "I don't want to."

Satchel looked up at me beautifically and said, "Don't be shy, Mommy."

I blushed and laughed at his grasp of my emotions. "I can't help it," I said.

"It's okay," he said. "I'm shy too."

You weren’t shy on the plane I thought, but kept it to myself. I decided to enjoy this moment of being needed. "This way," I said.

We walked over to a woman who was sunning herself next to a large pile of unused buckets and scoopers. Her kids were busy playing near the water and she gladly loaned us all the equipment we needed.

"Thank you!" Satchel squealed to the both of us as he ran towards the wave soaked sand and started scooping.

After several hours on the beach, we went to the Boardwalk. By nightfall, I was actually looking forward to squeezing into Warren’s childhood bed with three other people, one of whom was sure to want my nipple in his mouth all night.

We may have gotten off to too good a start. Over the next few days—the “wait for Thanksgiving and then we’ll have fun� days— I found myself trapped in my in-laws house without a car or compass and more choking hazards and breakables than I could count. Satchel was literally bouncing off the walls and Jiro was clinging to me more than ever. While Satchel was busy breaking windows and getting into everything, Jiro campaigned to sit in my lap while I peed and sat outside the bathroom door wailing while I showered.

On day three I found myself alone in the bathroom reading a teenage advice book by Pat O’Reilly that I found hidden among Oji’s sea of cookbooks. As I read, I could see Jiro’s fingers reaching for me under the one inch crack between the door and the floor out of the corner of my eye. I tried to remember why I had thought coming here for two weeks was a good idea.

Finally, Thanksgiving arrived and the entire clan gathered at Warren’s oldest brother’s house. Thankfully, Neal’s house was a kid paradise. It featured rooms full of toys, a lush backyard with swings and a trampoline, and a big, fuzzy cat that didn’t run away from grabby toddler hands. Satchel loved playing with all of his cousins and Jiro loved having me all to himself. But I soon found myself in unchartered territory.

The next day, as I sat playing with Jiro, Satchel ran over and said, “Natalie and Sidney aren’t playing with me.�

“Do you want to play with me and Jiro?� I asked him as Natalie and Sidney tore through the living room in their matching princess dresses.

“No,� he said plainly. “I want to play with the big kids.�

“Hey, Natalie,� I said. “Can you and Sidney play with Satchel? He came all the way to California to meet you and he wants to play too.�

“Okay,� Natalie reluctantly agreed. Then she looked at Sidney and said, “Let’s dress Satchel up like a princess!�

He looked at me, his big brown eyes hiding behind a layer of tears. He had on his beloved Power Ranger costume, which he had put on hours earlier hoping to impress them. “I don’t want to be a princess,� he said.

“Maybe you could go put on your superhero cape,� I suggested.

“Ooh, that’s a good idea,� he said as he ran up the stairs to join the girls. Crisis averted.

They stayed upstairs playing for ten minutes or so. Then Natalie and Sidney ran down the stairs. “Where’s Satchel?� I asked.

“We’re playing hide and go seek,� Natalie responded as she led Sidney into the backyard.

I looked up the stairs and saw Satchel counting. When he was done, he started looking for the girls upstairs. It appeared that it was going to be quite some time before he thought to look outside.

“Nataleeee, Sidneee,� he called as he looked behind the bedroom doors and in the hall cabinets.

Those little bitches, I thought. How dare they trick him like that! I wasn’t ready for my sweet, wonderful, fabulous little boy—the boy who would literally give you the shirt off of his back—to be ignored and teased.

“Look outside,� I said to him. “Maybe they are hiding out there.�

He ran over to the screen door and saw them bouncing on the trampoline. Please let him not realize what is going on, please, please, I thought.

“Hey!� he said as he ran out the door and climbed up, with great effort, to join them.

I sat watching in horror as Natalie and Sidney quickly got up and ran back inside. They just left him on the trampoline by himself! I swallowed hard and felt tears of my own welling up.

Satchel got off of the trampoline and ran back inside yelling, “Wait for me, wait for me,� as he chased them up the stairs.

I knew I should probably stay out of it, but I followed behind them, with Jiro wrapped around my leg, and sat outside Sidney’s cracked door eavesdropping.

“Nataleeee, will you tie my cape?� I heard Satchel ask in his sweet, sing-songy voice.

“No,� she said as she turned her back.

“Please? You did it last night,� he said, much less sing-songy.

That was it. I burst into tears.

In the one week that we’d been away, I had spent exactly zero minutes alone. Clearly, I needed a break. After I got Jiro down for his nap, I did a few laps around the brand new neighborhood and realized I had nowhere to escape to except to the nearby mall. I told myself that was probably the last place I wanted to be on the biggest shopping day of the year, but I went anyway.

I spent an hour wandering the aisles of Ross Dress for Less. I literally stood in the purse section staring at two purses, one red and one blue, for at least fifteen minutes. I picked them up, then put them down. I kept trying to walk away, but I couldn’t. I had the same black purse for almost five years and was happy with it. Why did I feel so compelled to purchase not one, but two completely impractical and unnecessary purses? This is why I don’t go shopping, I told myself.

I picked them up and headed over to the cash registers like a zombie and stood in line. I stood staring at the family in front of me—a surfer type man with his two young daughters—making their purchases. Christmas presents for Mom, I thought as they piled their goodies on the counter. When it was finally my turn to check out, I mumbled to the cashier, "I think I just changed my mind."

I wandered around in the bookstore next door for awhile and then went and stood outside Ross Dress for Less again. I could see the two purses through the window. Would either of them really make me happy? I tried to think of what it was I’d rather be doing. I walked over and decided to peer into the sushi restaurant. Was I hungry? I was debating whether I should buy the purses or go eat sushi when my cell phone rang. "Jiro's awake," my husband said. "He keeps pointing at the stairs and saying, 'Mama.'"

“I’ll be right there,� I said, happy to be brought back to reality.

As I rounded the bend to Neal's house, I saw Warren in the yard next to his parents’ motor home (our main means of transportation while in town). Jiro was standing on the steps. "Look, there's Mommy," Warren said.

Jiro took off down the walkway and then sprinted down the sidewalk in my direction. "Mama!!" he happily screamed as he ran into my outstretched arms. He gave me the biggest, best hug ever.

“Hey Warren,� I said. “Why don’t we rent a car and drive down the coast with the boys for a few days?�

Inside everyone was preparing to eat. Jiro went over and took his seat at the kids' table where Satchel, Natalie, and Sidney were happily eating and I took mine at the adult table. I watched him eat his dinner. After every few bites, he carefully put his fork down, skooched out of his chair, ran over to me, put his head in my lap, patted me, and then ran back to his chair.

After dinner, everyone piled on the sofas to watch “War of the Worlds.� Jiro was nuzzled in the crook of my right arm and Satchel was lying on my lap. The girls soon lost interest in the movie and tried to get Satchel to go play. “Wanna play hide and go seek?� Natalie asked hopefully.

“Not right now,� he said. “I’m watching TV with my mommy.�