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You are What (Your Kids) Eat

“You did what!?� A mother’s voice boomed from the cubbies as her little girl stood there bawling.

I had never seen anyone (anyone over the age of five that is) raise their voice at my boys’ Montessori school.

“I don’t know why you’re crying,� she continued angrily. “It isn’t your fault.� The mother gave me a dirty look and I diverted my eyes. Luckily Satchel bounded into the room and wrapped himself around my leg, so I had an excuse to continue to stand at the front door and gawk.

Undeterred by my presence, the mom roared, “I told those people not to give you any,� as she headed into the classroom in search of one of those people.

I was officially trying not to judge Angry Mom. I’ve certainly been Angry Mom before, but in the privacy of my own home.

“Mommy mommy, look at my art!� Satchel exclaimed as he pulled me towards his cubby.

As I looked at Satchel’s latest depiction of himself as a red Power Ranger—this one had Chicken Pox—I concocted an hypothesis. The little girl must have accidentally had something she was allergic to. Milk?

I peeked around the corner and watched as Angry Mom confronted My Favorite Teacher (MFT). MFT smiled, took a few steps back from Angry Mom, and asked the little girl a few questions. In no time the situation was diffused.

Once Angry Mom was gone, I walked over to MFT with Satchel tugging at my shirt. “You seemed to handle that well,� I said.

“I took a class to deal with parents like that,� she joked.

“What happened?� I asked conspiratorially.

“Sprite,� she said.

“Sprite?� I repeated, trying to sound nonchalant. The parents normally pack their kids’ lunches, but today they had a pizza party. I didn’t realize they served Sprite.

“I had Sprite too!� Satchel exclaimed, trying to get in on the conversation.

Once a month the school orders out for lunch. When Satchel first started attending at age two, I had a hard time with this. I was one of those moms who breastfed for two years, made all of my own baby food, and packed things like avocado and tofu for lunch. Until Satchel started talking (and saying, “Meat! Meat!� at the dinner table), I had planned to raise him as a vegetarian.

“Angry Mom doesn’t want her daughter to drink carbonated drinks,� MFT explained.

“Oh,� I said. “I thought I was bad!� The first time the school had McDonald’s Day was the day after my husband and I saw “Supersize Me.� Should we pack his lunch anyway? I asked Warren.

How’s he going to feel if everyone else gets McDonald’s but him? he countered. I thought of sending a “mock� McDonald’s meal consisting of a veggie burger and sweet potato fries. I even considered keeping him home, but I knew that I had to take one for the team. Once I verified that he would not be given Coke, I took a deep breath, paid my $2.25, and checked off the box next to chicken nuggets.

“Angry Mom’s daughter took Mandy’s Sprite when she wasn’t looking,� MFT said. “We can’t watch them every second,� she added. This comment didn’t bother me. I knew MFT did her best to respect all of the parents’ wishes.

I sit Satchel by the kids who eat healthy lunches, she told me awhile ago. I put them together so they don’t get tempted by the kids eating Cheetoes and candy bars. We were on the same team.

Being on the “healthy� team doesn’t provide me a special shield to keep the outside world at bay. Satchel sees what the other kids eat at school and he sees those things at the grocery store. I’ve had periods of surrender in which I purchased the twenty-four pack of snack sized chips and carried bubble-gum and lollipops in my purse. We’ve had family meals at fast food restaurants.

Just that morning, I overheard a mom in Jiro’s class tell My Other Favorite Teacher (MOFT), I brought some pears for Sky to eat with her pizza. I hadn’t realized that there was another mom who was even more vigilant than me.

“I wonder if Sky remembered to eat her pears today,� I said, forgetting that Sky’s big sister, Dago, was in the older class with Satchel.

“Dago forgot to eat her oranges and freaked out today,� MFT said.

“Really?� I said, surprised. “Freaked out?� I once read that you should look at a toddler’s diet in terms of what s/he eats in a week, rather than a day. Now it’s my mantra.

“I understand wanting your kids to eat healthy,� MFT said, “but it’s not good to scare them.�

“No kidding,� I said, now mentally patting myself on the back. I’ve gotten lax at times, but at least Satchel and Jiro aren’t traumatized, I thought.

Satchel was getting antsy to get Jiro and go home. As we entered the “baby� class, Jiro came running over to greet us. “Mommy,� he purred as he hugged me. No sooner was in my arms than he was out and headed to the refrigerator. Satchel was on his heels.

“Jiro really liked his pizza today,� MOFT said. “He ate three pieces.�

“That’s my boy,� I laughed. I watched as Satchel and Jiro pried the refrigerator door open and each grabbed a juice box. (Not the 100% juice that I had packed them, but other kids’ artificially flavored juice.) I took a deep breath. This thievery had become a ritual of theirs.

Satchel didn’t have his first juice box until he was almost three. Jiro was ten months old, maybe younger. Having two children, and a husband who suddenly had to work in the field for weeks at a time, had certainly taken me down a few notches.

When we got home, I called my husband to tell him about Angry Mom. I even told him how Sky and Dago’s mom had packed extra fruit to eat with the pizza. “You’re kidding?� he said, both awed and stunned. We had recently rededicated ourselves to reading food labels and shopping at the Natural Foods Store, but in “when we can afford it� way.

“The oranges were out of a can,� I said. “You know, the kind packed in syrup.� Even though part of me admired Sky and Dago’s mom for still fighting the good fight, I saw her as competition, rather than a comrade. “Remember she’s the one who didn’t do goodie bags?�

I had once envisioned asking the teachers to enlist a “No Candy in the Birthday Goodie Bag� rule, but never had the guts to say anything. I didn’t want to be that parent. I had decided to suffer in silence, repeat my mantra, and just do the best I could. My goodie bags contained a handmade zine, a superhero mask, and a lollipop.

The next day at school when I dropped the boys off, the director approached me. “I’m sorry about Angry Mom,� she said.

“Oh, don’t worry about it,� I said. “I was just surprised to walk in and see a parent yelling at her child like that.�

“Well Angry Mom is the one who left crying today when I told her that she might want to think about finding a new school for her daughter,� she conferred. I had never seen the sweet director so up in arms.

“MFT handled the situation really well,� I said.

“Angry Mom apologized and explained that she’s just having a really hard time right now. She’s a student and a single mom.�

“Oh,� I said. “That’s hard.� I tried to act like I could relate. Even though Warren was gone a lot, I only played a single-mom on TV.

“I told her that if she felt that strongly about carbonated drinks she should have put it in her application,� the director continued.

I nodded in agreement.

“I guess she was just having a bad day, because today she packed a candy bar in her daughter’s lunch!� she said with some disbelief.

As I made my way to the door, I thought about the day I sent a peanut butter, candy sprinkle, and chocolate chip sandwich for lunch to “make up� for serving lasagna three nights in a row. I wiped the grin off of my face and decided to mind my own damn business from now on.