Renee made a PDF of our hand-out! Now you can read it and pass the link around, please, anywhere you think people would like it.

http://bengal.missouri.edu/%7Emaxwellr/DontLeaveYourFriendsBehind.pdf

There was women *and* men at La Revolta! - all good vibes - just one kid - Siu Loong in a very prepared and kind childcare room upstairs. (The childcare people, Claire who organized, Sara her roomate, and some other person - were all really sweet, young, smart you know).

So our workshop time came - and good for us for getting at least 40 people in our workshop, when we were competing with the Sex Industry workshop downstairs, which is like V. says a much sexier topic than parenting.

We opened by asking questions; How many of you are mothers (3. 2 had brought their toddlers and didn't take them to childcare)
How many of you are friends with mothers? (almost everybody)
Hw many of you are actively involved in the lives of their kids (alot of hands, but less than the first)
How many of you never even see children in your daily lives? (about 5 people)

then v. talked about why we are focusing on mothers and I tried to say some overview that I block out that part in my memmory now, cuz i don't know what the hell i said. But i did make it clear that you don't need to "like" kids in order to support them, and their rights, as you should all people. and that mothering was a feminist pro-choice thing - we have the right to birth control, abortion, AND prenatal care, resources to support us after birth - the choice to have a kid as well as to not have one.

vikki told some of her experiences with getting supported or not and I butt in sometimes to add the specifics about May Day, that they didn't have a door to enclose the space and a biting dog, cuz i thought that was crazy for people to know.

we talked ALOT about people who say "I didn't have a kid so it doesn't concern me, your choice is now YOUR problem" - That anyones oppression and inequality was the concern of everyone else; that radical mothers challenged the institution of motherhood and wanted to CHANGE these problems that were oppressive and need non parent Allies. That our childless allies have more energy than us, plus they have run of all the spaces and organization mostly everywhere, so we talked about How to include mothers and children, instances of why we would have to leave or be pushed out - and how it could be different. Instances where we got support.

we talked about age-ism and I told stories about how being friends with young punks is a great energy for toddlers - and the time I let clover wander over and sit at someone elses table at the cafe.

we talked about possibly having a workshop for people to play with children, that its like we need to learn this and touch actual live - gasp - babies. Everyone was into that. That will deffinately be the next workshop I ever give, which sounds silly but its basic and people need it.

A childcare provider who was overwhelmed with taking care of 40 kids; a big sister to a 4 year old little sibbling; and the mothers who were the ones who most spoke up - and we discussed their questions and comments.

the whole room seemed to be alive with conversation.

the mothers with little toddlers were struggling, one in particular, her son was folding chairs and squirming around her and talking a little and she spoke up and said

"THIS is what i'm talking about. When my son acts like this it makes me want to leave the room, normally I would leave a meeting right now"
She was like "This is what you are talking about right here!"

and I was like - "ahh, our social experiment - How can we - as a room - help you - right now? Can I run upstairs and get blocks for him to play with? She was like no, he likes folding the chair

so we learned:

1. To announce that we are OK with children making noise, we can talk over them, and value mothers and children sticking around. The announcement can help put mothers at ease.

2. Little children or children who are less independent can not go to childcare in a different room - so it would be good for them to have a childcare provider and toys, in the same room as the discussion, off to the side, so they could wander over.

3. Childcare providers for events would like more input from parents about their needs - so they can plan the childcare to benefit them. If you don't tell the childcare providers your needs, they won't know.

4.Children like attention! They act better when given attention. Make eye contact. Don't ignore them! The mother of a toddler talked about her experiences and feelings - and she said she was happy, she felt the group was now interacting with her son more, looking over at him, smiling. At first we had all ignored him and held a discussion between ourselves. Another mother suggested groups giving attention to the children at the beggining of the meeting, some how including them then, for it makes them relax the rest of the meeting. Feeling left out they act up - like , could you imagine if everyone ignored you a whole meeting?

We all talked about ALOT of issues I thought. more issues and discussion than the previous two workshops I have been a part of.

That adults don't have to be a united front for children, that you can tell children different people have different ways of doing things, and experiences with marketing and children. disney and stuff. we really talked alot of stuff.

Vikki talked about activism, and the anarchist survey, and some guys wanted to tell her "your raising the next generation of revolutionaries" or something, to thank her, yea some guys said this or that but I dont' really remember what they said, they were trying to say positive things. a guy thanked me after the meeting - saying he wanted to be a father one day but he didn't want to be the traditional patriarch, he wanted to be more like a mother. I think, generally, our meeting gave everyone food for thought, and firmly established our right to BE Here, and to Be Everywhere, and to ask for support and allies.

We then, as a group worked on a list of things to support mothers and children.

...

Concrete things you can do to support mothers and children in your scene
(suggestions from the end of the “Don’t Leave Your Friends Behind� workshop at La Revolta!)

1- Give Children Attention. Say something to them: just be your true self, whatever you are thinking, they are open to that. Children act better when they get attention. In the beginning of a meeting if a group gives the children some attention, they are often happier and better behaved for the rest of the meeting.
2- Develop childcare as an ongoing relationship with a child – it takes some time to get to know a child before they are comfortable with doing stuff with you away from their parents.
3- Offer a slot of time, to spend time with a child on a weekly basis
4- Integrate children and adults: it’s more pleasant to watch children with other adults to talk to; it’s more pleasant for the children to see adults enjoying each other and not feel a burden to them.
5- Include children in the planning of any activity, like a sewing workshop for instance.
6- Doing something child-friendly? Ask a kid if they want to come along. (Lynx has been taking Siu Loong for critical mass rides for three years and she loves it.) Children can benefit from activities their parents don’t do and parents can benefit from the time to themselves.
7- If a baby is crying because it needs to be held and the parent has their hands busy and can not hold it; offer to hold the baby.
8- If a child is making a disturbance in an area, offer to go outside with the kid so the parent doesn’t have to leave the event.
9- Meet parents at their level: come visit them at home or where ever their spaces are. Let parents talk about being parents: realize having a child is like having the most intense love affair you have ever known (says one parent. Another says – not.)
10- Acknowledge children: don’t treat them like they are invisible
11- Give us a smile!

ALSO - When providing child care at political events (and every event should have child care!)

12- Visit the children and childcare providers in daycare – and say “Hi!� Childcare providers can feel isolated from others at the event. Have a cup of tea with them! (suggested by Siu Loong, age 5)
13- Parents with different aged children have different needs. Parents with younger children or children who aren’t comfortable leaving their side yet would benefit from childcare that was off to a side of the same room or more central to the main events. Parents with older and more independent children benefit from having them in a different room or floor. Either way, childcare must be assessable.
14- Parents need to give more input to the day-care providers, about their and their children’s needs during the planning of the event. At least tell them you are coming and the age of your child/ren.
15- It’s comforting for parents to know childcare is available, even if they don’t use it

AND - Contemplate
16- How much work/consuming being a parent is: 24/7; in the beginning years it’s hard to even think straight: one is still adjusting to being a parent and young children’s needs are very intensive
17- That radical parents don’t fit in at mainstream places, like their children’s schools - so when they go to an anarchist gathering and don’t feel supported by their own culture – how bad that feels.
...

Thats my best job of reporting back I can do. I thought it went great. I would have gotten alot more out of the event if I hadn't been sleep deprived. I felt very emotionally open , in my workshop, and it kinda sucked. I wasn't super eleqent or anythign. but we had real vital conversations and sometimes, in my story telling or points - i did feel very connected to the room.

right after the meeting, I got my period!

Don't Leave your Friends Behind: anarcha-feminism & supporting mothers and children

March 4th - Workshop (Time TBA) - La Revolta - Boston
larivolta.org

“it's about putting your politics into practice�

Despite its rhetoric, the anarchist and radical movement mimic, to a degree, the greater society's unreasonable expectations of mothers and children. When a radical woman becomes a mother she often finds herself left behind by her mostly childless peer group. Anarcha-feminism challenges us to create personal and social change but often provides no support for mothers who try to do so.

The majority of visible activists and radicals do not have caretaking duties within their collective enterprises and thus might ignore the minority mother participant’s concerns. When hetero couples have kids, the dads are still (usually) going out and doing activist work and applauded for being activists while mothers aren't given any props for doing childrearing and/or the childcare that allows activist dads to continue to be activists. And then the scene writes off mothers who aren't at meetings or actions failing to recognize that mothers need the support of their communities and activist groups if they are to continue contributing their experiences, insight and expertise without becoming overburdened.

A movement built on egalitarianism needs to be active in supporting its mothers and children. Otherwise, as activists get older and start having kids, they drop out and it remains a movement of 20-somethings. We need to recognize that mothers have specific needs in order to continue participating (and that other people have needs too which get accommodated except that those needs aren't as pronounced and obvious as those of mothers). By valuing the involvement/work of radical mothers, we form a more vibrant culture of resistance; and we teach the young the vision we want to see of a more equitable future by including them in our activities now.

This will be a discussion between both parents and non-parents on the need for support and how childless allies can support mothers' continued participation in the movement. The discussion will include results from Vikki’s anarchist mama survey that points out concrete ways in which women that were formerly very active in the scene got ostracized and how these types of scenarios could be prevented.

Vikki Law is a mother, photographer, writer and the editor of the zines “Tenacious: Art and Writings from Women in Prison�, “ABC NO RIO: Enter the Nineties: Poets, Punks, Politics�, "Mama Sez No War" and "Family Values: A Parental Approach to the Republican National Convention."

China Martens is a single mother of an 18-year-old daughter and the editor of "The Future Generation: a zine for subculture parents, kids, friends & others". She is expecting to have a book out in May (an anthology of the last 15 years of her zine!) published by Atomic Books Company.

what a great topic - good luck! :)

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tenderfoot zine * mamaphiles!

This sounds like a great workshop--too bad I'm super far away to assist the event.