everything has been moving along swimmingly. i still haven't really started a second peep show tho i have a poem for it and pics, that's about it. life has just been busy. i started work again first just one day a week, now it's up to three days a week. i've been getting TONS of help from my community. my parents have watched him a couple of times and since they live almost an hour away from us, he spent the night with them a couple of times. the first time that he's been away from me for the night. i think he handled it better than i did. M will be watching him 2 times a week and i get another baby sitter the other nite. M has been helping alot. he's always there when i need something or need him to watch nico.

his fiance L moved down here last month and we've been talking back and forth via myspace. i think we'll get a long just fine. she's a pretty cool girl. but now that they've made plans to stay here to be near nicolai, i'm all of the sudden feeling very trapped to this place. not that i have plans to move or have another place where i'd rather be--the western slope is my home, but now i just feel trapped here, cuz i won't go back on my word--as long M is here to be a part of nicolai's life, i will be here. some members of my community--L (doula) and JP (they're due in sept) want to move. it sucks cuz i don't want to see them go. and even if i could move a way i wouldn't want to go where they are thinking of going (miami or vermont). i just don't desire to live east.

other than work and baby, i've been bellydancing alot (still). i have a very loving, caring, helpful, and cute, and intelligent and poetic partner, Q. He helps out so much with peep and i love seeing them together. he's such a big part of my life right now.. i'm still hesitant, cuz it' feels very monogamous, which i haven't had since 2005. monogamy scares me cuz it's never worked in the past, tho i don't regret any of my monogamous relationships. i'm still very close with all those ex's and can't imagine my life without them, but monogamy is limiting and maybe it's my selfishness and hesitancy about giving up my freedom. but as it goes now, i'm very happy. Q is all i need/want right now. he takes care of me. not in a monetary way, that doesn't matter to me. but emotionally and physically. he's so affectionate and i've missed that lately. what worries me tho is that he doesn't like it here, and i kno he will be leaving soon. it's gonna hurt, but i don't kno if i can do a long distance monogamous relationship. cuz, to me, like 80% of the best things of a relationship go down the drain if you can't have your loved one close to you. so i'm just not sure. and we haven't technically talked about the status of our relationship other than that we love each other and have a great time together.

i guess that's a bout all as of late. i am now co-chair of the social action committee at the unitarian universalist church. the red pill is moving along fine, tho we usually slow down in the summer. always still looking for submissions : )
we're making plans to go to the dnc to protest of course, so that should be fun. we were planning on doing a daily paper there, but that's still up in the air. any one in denver? we can hook up.

hope summer has been good for everyone! i've been livin' and lovin' life. : )

My laptop went belly-up. It's over five years old, so I'm not surprised that it finally gave up the ghost, but it is frustrating. I won't be replacing it any time soon. I still have a computer, of course -- that's what I'm working on now -- but it's the family computer, in an awkward and public space. I don't feel comfortable writing my personal journal on this machine. I hate paper journals, too -- I have too much trouble reading my own handwriting. So I'm frustrated. And reflecting wryly that I am very spoiled, indeed.

I need to quit avoiding and deal with money. I need to know if I backed up last time I entered data. I've backed up a lot recently, but I don't know if I've backed up every time. If I have backed up, well and good, I can just carry on with updating. If I've missed backing up, it's probably only the last time, which means I won't have that much data to restore, and I can carry on with updating. It will be *okay*. But it's bugging me.

It probably wouldn't bug me half as much if it weren't for the fact that I think I'm finally ready to bite the bullet, but B isn't home. B knows how to get the program to read a different set of data (mine) than the default data (his). I don't. I'll know after this, because 1) I'm going to be the one who actually does it, under his direction, and 2) I'll have to learn anyway, because until I get a laptop, at some unspecified future time, I'm going to have to do my finances on this machine.

If I'd faced up to this last night, when B was here and willing to do it, I'd be all settled now, probably. I'll do it when he gets home, I think, right away, before my courage drains away and I go back to being chicken-hearted.

B would be home now, except that he cracked a rib last week. It was getting better, but all of a sudden it's getting worse, so he's decided it might be a good idea to have a doctor look at it. My guess is that a doctor will order an x-ray, confirm that the rib is cracked, recommend that B restrict his activities for a few days, and hand out some painkiller if he thinks B needs it. I'm pretty sure the rib is just cracked, not dislocated in any way, in which case there is nothing to do but wait for it to heal.

Yrch. I am getting nowhere today. I need to get my hands on my data and deal with it so that I can stop being paralyzed by it.