Ok. It's not June *quite* yet, but soon enough, soon enough!
I have exciting news, but I'm not allowed to talk about it until sometime on Monday. It won't affect anything I do here or at HipMama.com, so don't get hopes up yet that I've figured out how to fix this poor sad panda site. But, I'm working on that too. In so much as I can...
I know. I totally broke *every* forum. By putting them in a container called archive, I seem to have deleted everything & I can't figure out how to make it come back. Which, since we couldn't see them anyway, I guess doesn't matter all that super much. Maybe? Dunno. Gah.
I want to get a netbook. Really badly, I want a netbook! I also have a long laundry list of other things I want. Of course. As my father-in-law would say, and people in hell want ice water. Heh.
8 comments on Jumpin' June & July Bugs -- June & July 300 Words
Thu, 08/06/2009 - 5:10pm
Nothing's wrong with me except for a virus raging unchecked through my head and something, possibly entirely unrelated, nauseating me with a vengeance.
Yep, nothing wrong here. Last night I had to fight my way out of an incipient depression because of it. Physical illness generally brings down the emotional demons. Fortunately, I was able to get to sleep, because a night's sleep usually sets that sort of thing right, even if I'm still sick in the morning.
I have errands to run, and I can't run them. I have acquired a sixteen-year-old (I'm reasonably certain he was four just a few days ago), and the sixteen-year-old has acquired a driver's license. I get priority on the car, but when I don't have to have it, he can drive himself, and this week is Vacation Bible School. So no car for the morning, and by the sound of it, no car for a chunk of the afternoon, as well, because he has a lawn-mowing job.
I'm itchy to run those errands. F and I tried to start on our reenactment costumes more than a month ago, but the sewing machine jammed. I can usually sort out a jam, but not this one. Into the sewing machine repairman marched the stern husband. Bloody hypochondriac machine -- it worked fine for the repairman. I asked to have it cleaned and adjusted anyway, and now I need to pick it up. Can't do it without a car, because I live in pedestrian hell. If I felt better, I might get the wagon and walk over, but it's about two miles each way, with lots of running to different stores in the area, and there is a major road with no sidewalks.
One of the errands is to acquire some basswood. The girls and I are trying to build beam balances for a weighing unit in sciences. The instructions claim we can use cardboard for the beam and the pivots, and I think they're nuts. Everything warped when we glued patterns onto the cardboard. We're going to try using basswood for the beam and the pivots. And if that doesn't work, well, I have something up my sleeve, to wit, a $40 beam balance that I can stinking well order online and save myself a lot of trouble.
Part of me says I should just go ahead and order the balance. Building the balances promises to be trouble even if the basswood does what I hope. Besides, the weight buckets are going to be awkward to get things in and out of. Maybe I'll just suck it up and order.
The science is from the TOPS series, and I'm looking forward to getting through the weighing unit. The only reason we're doing it is to get some experience with beam balances so that we can use them for other, more interesting units. Hopefully, other units won't have idiot plans to build things out of cardboard when it just won't work.
It's a strange feeling, this year. I'm using a prepared curriculum for V, who requested more formal schooling. We've been so relaxed we've been close to unschooling, but she's worried that she'll hit college and be unprepared. That is very much like her, to anticipate a problem and look for solutions before the storm comes ashore. But I've never used a prepared curriculum before.
Even now, we're not using the whole thing. Just English and history. We may use it more as a jumping-off place than as a strict curriculum. Since we're still waiting for it to come in, English is on hold, and we're studying Sumer/Mesopotamia/Babylon, because it's a really old civilization. Math will continue to be relaxed until I can contact Wonder K and arrange for tutoring. Science, as I said, will be TOPS. Spelling will be a combination of The Natural Speller (no such thing) and studying any words V mucks up when she's writing school assignments. No fair pulling spelling words from her creative writing, though.
I'm staying relaxed with F. She's still not entirely stable, and she's fighting school. There is a part of me that is whispering that I should send her to public school, but I think I'd have out-and-out rebellion if I did that. She'd be a complete square peg and a target, as well. She'll do science with me and V, and the rest of her school comes under the heading of "whatever."
P is taking classes at the community college again. Three classes. He's working with me to catch up his math abilities, too. I'm tempted to buy a prepared curriculum for him, too, but at this point, I think I'd probably do better to let him figure his way in college. I'll be a lot more available to help him this term, though. I failed him on that count last term. By the time I figured out he needed help, he was flunking two out of three classes. And there is no reason for that.
I need to quit screwing around and go talk to an advisor myself. My secret is that I would like to become a therapist, preferably a psychologist. I don't have the undergraduate credits I need to do that, though. Very few sciences and only two psychology classes. Logic says to go to the community college to get the sciences and as many psychology courses as they offer. After that, I'll have to do a four-year school. The question is, will I have to go for a whole second bachelors', or will I be able to find a grad school that will accept a BA in something else with all the sciences and psychology necessary for a BA in psychology?
Right now, I just need to go talk with an advisor. Among other things, I need to take Freshman Comp II. I'm sure I can test out of it, but the fact of the matter is that they teach a couple of things, like research papers, that I simply never did when I was in college. Chances are it will be a bloody bore, and I'll get the easy "A," but I'll be more comfortable later if I take it now.
The whole idea of going to grad school terrifies me. As always, a good performance on one level fails to convince me that I can function on the next level up. I remember this from grade school, being convinced that even though I'd done brilliantly in first grade, I would never be able to do the work in second grade. I can do it if I put my mind to it, though. I've even learned to study and how not to procrastinate on reading, studying, and writing papers. And I'm plenty smart enough. I just have trouble acknowledging it.
I have a friend keeping me accountable; if I don't go see the advisors soon, I'll have her in my inbox, demanding to know when I'm going. I have decided, and she encourages me in this, to simply shut the whole issue of grad school out of my mind until I have everything I can take at the community college. Once I've done that, I can look ahead to the next step, but until then, I need to let go of the big picture entirely, so that it doesn't overwhelm me.
Mon, 08/03/2009 - 7:35pm
not the most exciting story but really it couldn't have gone any better than what we planned. tho i definitely would've preferred a home birth!
on sunday, july 26th, my mom and younger brother were talking about when i'd have the baby. mom said on july 31st. my brother called july 29th. on tues, july 28th i lost my plug and started to have regular contractions. i hung out and also went to a homeless organizing meeting we had that morning. i didn't want to sit around wondering if this was the real thing. L stayed home from work and Q, L, and I hung out for the day. i had just happened to have a prenatal with RA so we went and she was excited to hear the progressions. she advised walking interspersed with resting and plenty of fluids.
as much as we all hated the mall, we went there to walk around for a while because it was air conditioned and wouldn't be as old as walking circles in our house. we were there for a couple of hours and then headed home to rest. a couple of folks from the community showed up to hang out and give me support. and while at nicolai's birth, my house was full of people all day, which i loved, i wanted this to be a bit more intimate. one lady showed up who is friends with my group of people, but i wasn't comfortable with her being there. to me, we were just acquaintances and i felt a bit intruded upon when she showed up unannounced and uninvited. so L had everyone leave. it cooled off later enough for Q and i to take a couple neighborhood walks and we got a nice rainstorm as well. i was able to get to sleep around 10:30 that night with regular contractions keeping me and Q awake.
i finally got out of bed around 3 am because it was too painful to just lay there. Q was doing awesome the whole time, he stayed near me and massaged me and supported me through it all. we finally decide to go to the hospital around 5am. i didn't feel like anything was progressing or changing and L said i was hitting transition, which i knew was a good thing. i was scared everything would slow down when i went to the hospital. it didn't.
we got to the hospital and were able to get the one room with a private jet tub. all others had to share one. but i was the only one there at the time. 5 other potentials came in and were all sent home. RA checked me and i was at 7 cm. i cried and cried and i don't kno why. L and RA were very supportive and said that was great, but i just needed to cry at that time i guess. the last time i checked the clock was at 6am. my parents showed up. it was nice to have them there with me the whole time. this is the first birth my step dad had ever attended, tho he spent most of the time behind the curtain. i was glad to have him. he thought it was awesome but never wants to see a birth again. and it was hard for him to see me hurting.
RA was so awesome and we had a fantastic nurse as well. she commended me on wanting an all natural birth. i guess it was around 9 when i decided to have my water broke artificially. it was in my birth plan that i didn't want that to happen unless it was medically necessary, but i was tired and i knew i wouldn't be able to last much longer. RA checked me again and i was at 9 cm and then i cried some more, nearly hyperventalating, but i was finally able to calm down again. everything else in my birth plan was followed to a t. breaking my water definitely sped things up. i always imagined myself squatting or on all fours for birth, but neither were really working out for me and i ended up in the classic on my back position, but it worked the best and i was able to rest between contractions.
unlike nicolai's birth, i reached down to touch cohen's head a couple of times it was squishy (with nicolai, everyone kept insisting that i look in the mirror and touch him. i yelled i'll have plenty of time to look and touch later, just get him out of me!). his head was out and i kept saying give him to me, but they told me that i needed to finish pushing, so with one more push, cohen was born into Q's hands and he put him on my stomach and called his sex. i thought it was so cool that RA let Q do that. he wanted to but didn't think they would let him and RA was the one that suggested it, with her there to help.
it's amazing how in just one second, you can be in such excruciating pain and the next second that pain just doesn't even matter any more. i don't kno if it was the exhaustion during nicolai's birth or memory loss, but i don't remember reflecting on how painful it was and then in a rush, all that pain is gone--like it never even existed (tho for the past several days, my body tells a different story!) he was strong and healthy with 7 and 9 apgar scores. i couldn't've asked for an easier birth, tho i didn't think it was easy at the time. i was also alot nicer this time around. still had my manners and didn't yell or be mean to anybody, then again it was a different birth and a different situation. Q joked that he was a little disappointed cuz he wanted to see me be mean to people, but i had no reason to. everyone was so supportive and did way awesome.
nicolai loves having a brother so far! i'm so excited for that. all he wants to do is love on cohen and kiss and hug him. he tries to share food and toys with cohen. it's great. sleep is a whole other issue and more ofit would be nice. well i have baby tending to get to...or i could just ramble on forever...
Fri, 07/31/2009 - 2:00am
We spent June in Telluride Colorado, at the Bluegrass Festival, camping for four days with three wee kids. If you're not familiar with Telluride it's where HWY 50 (?) dead ends in the mountains, and if you get out of your car and look straight up you see a waterfall known as Bridal Falls. I made it was all I could say.
I've been quite sick for the past two years with some mysterious illness that no one could manage to name. Had several doctors tell me it was depression but was lucky enough to finally find a doctor who really listened and got, at least closer, to the heart of the matter. It's taken a long time to get back to health. But Telluride was my goal.
Being ill for so long made me look at my life with blessed clarity. I realized I wanted to chuck it all and basically hit the road with my family and become, I don't know, maybe traveling pinball champions or something crazy and random, but to really tackle life and soak it up.
So Telluride was my first chance to that, to see if I still had it in me to tackle life. I haven't felt so vibrant or alive as when we were traveling across the country. There were times I yearned for shelter in the pouring rain and times when I was dog tired managing three kids, a very special diet, and mindboggling logistics, but also times when I thought this is life and I am here, baby. Like when our knife throwing neighbor at the campground offered to teach me how to juggle swords. Or when we were riding in a gondola over the mountains, or simply sitting hearing bluegrass music while strangers around us sang to my kids.
This is just the beginning and I am alive again. . .
The Mom Bomb zine
Thu, 07/16/2009 - 6:11pm
so after a week of living in a hotel, we found a cool house to rent. (depleted resources means we'll be saving up again to buy a place). it's cool because i like the downtown neighborhood we're in and the people are so friendly and welcoming--something i haven't experienced for a while. it's also smack dab in the middle of the other two collective houses. 6 blocks from both. so we're slowly getting unpacked. it's so nice to have a space again. it's not as big as our last house but it works and has some beautiful features ( like the jet but in Q and my bathroom--it couldn't've come at a better time!) everything is going well with the pregnancy, we're getting so close.
about a month ago, i had decided to switch midwives. JG the one i had was nice enough and don't have many complaints about her, but i didn't feel personally connected at all throughout the months that we met with her. then i met with RA and both Q and I fell in love with her. she is so personable and seems so interested, i immediately felt a more personal connection with her and wanted her to finish my care. so all is going well and she only lives a couple of blocks away from us.
anyways i should get back and help L with the house. peep is with papa today, so i got some baby free unpacking time!! : )
Fri, 07/03/2009 - 4:11pm
I'm rereading the one existing biography of Lucy Parsons right now and it reminded me of a little exchange my daughter and I had recently.
In May, just before the start of my, oh, 15th or 16th book promo event, dd sat in the folding chair next to me, where I was trying to figure out what I was going to say.
"Mama," she started very quietly and solemnly. "What's an anarchist?"
I'm not sure where she had heard the word that night. Perhaps someone in the backyard had said something to her about being a little anarchist. Or perhaps people were talking politics outside. Or perhaps it had been a question lingering in her mind for some time and that night, for whatever reason, bubbled up to the surface.
"Well," I said. "An anarchist is someone who doesn't believe that we need a government to tell us what to do. We should be able to decide for ourselves what to do."
Or something along those lines. It wasn't a very in-depth explanation.
"Oh," she replied. Then she asked, "Are you an anarchist?"
Yes, I replied.
Oh, said she and wandered off.
Last month, my mother was attempting to interest her in a kids' book of presidents she had bought. dd wasn't interested. "I don't believe in presidents," she said. "I don't think that people should be told what to do. They should decide for themselves."
dd is particularly mad at Obama because, during the electoral campaign, she somehow got it into her head that he was going to end the war. (Not sure how she got that since I don't recall him saying that he was going to end ALL the wars the u.s. has embroiled itself in, just the one in Iraq.) She is annoyed because it has been 6 months and there are still wars in both Afghanistan and Iraq. So she has come to the conclusion that politicians make promises to get elected and don't keep them.
It makes me wonder, though, about the children of anarchists. Lucy Parsons' son wanted to join the military and fight in the Spanish-American War. Oriole Tucker, the daughter of 2 (retired from active political life) anarchists told anarchist historian Paul Avrich that she herself never identified as an anarchist. I wonder about our own kids--both mine and others raised in the movement. What will they think and believe and identify as 20 years from now?
Sometimes paper is the only thing that will listen to you.
Thu, 07/02/2009 - 5:40am
I should be going to bed. I'm tired and yet, I'm not tired. I started a new job about a week and a half ago and I'm totally loving it. It's the perfect mix of completely new stuff & stuff that I am familiar with. So very very exciting!
Did I mention exciting? Yes. Very exciting. :)
"Do not forget. Remember and warn."
-- Plaque fixed to the hollow shell of Sarajevo's National Library
Wed, 07/01/2009 - 5:24pm
ok, so it's not really june anymore and i'm in the middle of doing laundry and should be making tuna sandwiches for my man's lunch. peep is with his papa today and i feel like i just want to break down and cry...
almost three weeks ago our landlords set up our swamp coolers. well one started leaking and has caused a HUGE mess, there's no way to describe the amount of damage done by this on-going problem. it leaks into our roof so there's mold all over the attic in the back part of our house. it leaked down into a closet and soaked everything in there. we've been dealing with powerful fans and dehumidifyers (didn't think colorado desert air could get any drier) for almost as long. almost as soon as all of this started happening, everyone in the house started feeling shitty and sick or allergic or something. we all developed the same symptoms at the same time--like allergy symptoms or a cold--in the middle of JUne? at the same time? i see a correlation...
so with the landlord kind of working on the house and they are pretty much refusing to have it professionally done, not alots been done. there's more holes in the roof which caused more leaking (even in new spots like the kitchen light fixture!) during our unusually wet june. their insurance won't cover it because it's an ongoing problem. our renter's insurance doesn't cover ANYTHING because there's some sort of 'fungus exclusion' clause. it's all been so frutrating.
my partner Q and my housemate JC both worked in New Orleans after Katrina where they had to gut houses with lots of black mold in it. this stuff is not good for people. i have a friend who's immune system is totally f*ed up now because he lived in a house with black mold. he chooses not to live in houses anymore. so L goes to the doctor and she has bronchitis. her dr or whatever tries to say that we all probably just caught something at the same time. a cold in the middle of june? don't think so. the babies are ok, but our pediatrician said it'd be good to get out of the house. her husband works in mold remediation, so she knows what we're going thru.
don't kno if anyone has tried couch surfing with a family, but it's not fun. L and JC were able to stay with L's family one night and Q and I with peep stayed with his grandparents, but we had to sleep separately because we aren't married, never mind the fact that i'm about to pop his child out. last night we all got a hotel and i was woken by the housekeeper even tho check out wasn't till 12.
we've been looking at houses to buy because we're tired of renting, but there's always something that comes up to where we can't get the house or it's too expensive.
i feel like we're running out of options. i miss having my own place. i'm here right now doing laundry. all of our stuff is here, but it doesn't feel like home anymore : ( i feel like i don't have a home and it's hard to find a place to just hang out for the day. luckily we have other collective houses in town where i can go hang out, but it's not MY space.
this whole thing has been so stressful and i'm due in a month! how are we going to get this figured out before Cohen comes in to this world!
well i better go make those sandwhiches...
Sun, 06/28/2009 - 3:41am
I think I've written three good pieces in the last three months. I think this is wonderful -- I rarely have that much inspiration. Someday I'm going to have to figure out what I want to do with these writings, but right now I'm just glad I'm doing it.
I'm thinking seriously about going back to school for real. I've taken classes on and off, but mostly for my own pleasure. Picking up some of the science I was afraid to take when I was getting my BA. Exploring art. Purely a dilettante, which is a wonderful way to study.
I'm thinking very, very seriously about becoming a therapist. I find I have some pretty good insight into people's issues, and have been told a number of times that it's been helpful. My daughter's therapist, after watching me break down something complex into simple terms, commented that I'd make a good therapist. I've been helped so much by therapists; if I can do the same for other people, that would be a goodness. My own therapist seems to think it's a good idea.
I'm trying to keep it broken down into simple steps. First, I need to talk to one of the advisors at the community college. She'll know what courses I need, and what I can get out of based on my transcripts. (Hell will freeze over before I take basic chem for yet a third time -- I almost died of boredom the second time.)
I'm going to have to take a writing course first, of all the ironic things. I can write papers like nobody's business, but no one has ever taught me academic writing, like research papers and position papers. I think I can skip Frosh Eng. Comp., but I definitely need Comp. II. Once again, I hope I can get out of Comp. I. I wouldn't be bored, but it would be a complete gut for me. I don't mind piling up another "A" (I'm not going to be modest), but I hate to spend $200 on something I don't need.